Why does it have to be this way? Forty four years of trying, and for what? What is the point of it? Two kids I can not even see, haven't held them in five months. The love of my life I am unable to make happy. Literally hundreds of applications turned in not a single job offer. Failed everyone. Very tired. very tired. Bottle of sleep calling. A nice peaceful walk in the mountains. Sleep. Deep. Long lasting. Quiet. Dark. Peaceful sleep. I can hear it calling. I want to answer.